Back to old memories

I ask myself whether kindness has ended or not every moment when someone is being KIND to me and when someone is rude to me. I get confused when it’s the same person who was kind yesterday and today he/she is being rude. The reason maybe either I’m sounding boring , too emotional , or first I was helpful to them now I’m not helping them;the reason might be either the help was done and now I won’t be needed or over a period of time I realise how much fake they are and subconsciously I show them the mirror(obviously no one would like to see their real faces with full of dirt in a mirror) or I make them feel that if you are with me you can’t look at your faults and blunders with rosey glasses(obviously using rosey glasses means either ignoring their faults or justifying them instead of accepting and having a determination to correct it in future).

One thing is for sure that anyone can read my facial expressions and understand my genuine feelings at the moment and they have the choice whether to accept the truth or deny and be fake around me. I literally HATE fake people. I can accept real people who stay away from me for genuine reasons rather than fake friends who are with me. Fake people obviously wish that someone should become a prey of their toxicity which I definitely resist. That’s the reason maybe I have less close friends and more acquaintances. It’s not about me MAYBE it’s a universal truth that you can lie by words but your facial expressions will speak the truth, if not expressions then the other person’s gut feeling will definitely tell that you are lying(maybe they won’t realise that exactly what is the lie but for their benefit they can either stop trusting you or start questioning why to you;your body language and speaking tone will tell them truth-as per my experience in the last 2 years). As per what I wrote in brackets- I once ignored the gut feeling. Maybe if I wouldn’t have I would have definitely saved myself from narcissistic abuse. But I’m not regretting it. It’s the other side of the coin. You can understand better if you read my first post “friendship with a narcissist”…

Actually my narcissistic friend didn’t have any kindness. Giving me names , criticising my genuine feelings , trying to prove herself right always , using me to seduce the guy who she liked , insulting me in front of those whom I hated and she knew it.

Earlier in my life there was a friend who was my so called childhood best friend. We were family friends(maybe today my family looks at them as a friend but I definitely don’t.. she also thinks we are still best friends) We used to share family and personal secrets( it was my fault actually… I shouldn’t have ).. I can’t say she wasn’t kind..she was… definitely…but her one mistake which for which I could with difficulty forgive her but not forget her. I lost my grandfather 5 years ago. I told this to her as my usual habit. Then what happened just shattered my heart. She told it to her parents I don’t know why. After 2 to 3 days she came to me and told that she has informed her parents about it. On the top of it they had planned to even come to my home and meet us. Oh God !!! Even while writing i get scared… they came and talked to my parents… after that what i did was just ignore her in spite of knowing how it felt when a best friend ignores you( I don’t know whether this is wrong or not). Now even if she comes to me and says hi Aditi ! I wont have that happy expressions on my face while looking at her and I won’t hesitate telling that I’m not the Aditi who she knew in her school days… a lot has changed due to situation and getting back to old Aditi is actually IMPOSSIBLE…because I don’t want to be the old Aditi.. I’m writing this on wordpress today because last week my friend reminded me that how much frustrated I was while narrating this experience. I couldn’t help myself from expressing this..pls tell me your point of views.. sorry I know this is a very long post… i hope you don’t get bored…